Jump to content

Experiences of depression and anxiety


Recommended Posts

I can totally understand people believing in ghosts and devils after the sleep I just had. Jesus christ some of the horrors I saw when I was half awake/half asleep. Thank fuck I knew seeing shit/nightmares during sleep was a side-effect beforehand.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Having a bad week this week with anxiety and a massive doom cloud cfo.lowing me around. I felt like crying at work for no reason the other day and just wanted to walk out. I didn’t though.

 

I think I have just reached the end of my tether with the COVID thing. Working through the whole pandemic, trying to keep myself safe in situations that can’t be predicted and worrying about May family has took its toll. The final straw is the amount of people I see now totally ignoring the rules. I haven’t hugged my parents for a year, they have barely seen their granddaughter, I have nobody to talk to abou how I am feeling yet my neighbours and the general public are going about their lives as normal as if COVID doesn’t exist. I can feel the anger building in me every day and wish I could just ignore the whole sodding lot of them.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 1 month later...

One of those days where everything has been great yet you still end it flat as fuck wondering if you will ever just fucking enjoy it. 
 

The answer is obviously no. Far too easy. I can take shit days, shit things happening and feeling shit, but enjoying yourself, being to a point of experiencing ‘happiness’ then your mind deciding to play a cunts trick and kick you through the floor for dare having a day off. 
 

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

One technique that i try (and fail miserably most of the time) is "accepting" negative/racing thoughts, it's pretty much a skill and when you get it right it feels really good and your body/mind starts to relax, it's like your body breathing a huge sigh of relief.

The trick is to not get frustrated at your mind's negativity, just notice it's there and let it be, it takes alot of patience but it works for me at times.

"Don't feed the troll" 

Edited by ToonArmy1892
Link to post
Share on other sites
20 minutes ago, Dokko said:

One of those days where everything has been great yet you still end it flat as fuck wondering if you will ever just fucking enjoy it. 
 

The answer is obviously no. Far too easy. I can take shit days, shit things happening and feeling shit, but enjoying yourself, being to a point of experiencing ‘happiness’ then your mind deciding to play a cunts trick and kick you through the floor for dare having a day off. 
 

 

 

Well articulated, I've felt a bit like this myself lately. And therefore have fuck-all advice :lol:

Apart from try to get a few post-lockdown things into the calendar if you can, I have a trip up to Newcastle booked for late May which is keeping me going atm but might need to do something else in the meantime just to break the tedium up. 

I find myself endlessly worrying about money which is just stupid really, my outgoings are high atm and I'm saving as much as I can for a house deposit but it's never enough in my own mind and I worry.

I think that's at the heart of me feeling constantly fucking drained but there ain't much I can do about it when I know the logical reality is I've done well to turn my finances around since I stopped drinking, yet there's little I can do to stop the daily worrying over stupid trivial shit. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
13 hours ago, ToonArmy1892 said:

One technique that i try (and fail miserably most of the time) is "accepting" negative/racing thoughts, it's pretty much a skill and when you get it right it feels really good and your body/mind starts to relax, it's like your body breathing a huge sigh of relief.

The trick is to not get frustrated at your mind's negativity, just notice it's there and let it be, it takes alot of patience but it works for me at times.

"Don't feed the troll" 

I have one myself where I picture a bank vault and the negative thought popping out of one of the draws, acknowledging it and sticking it back in. Weirdly when I’m down I manage my depression much better. Last night was cliff edge stuff, the higher I go (better I feel) the further I have to fall and it’s that cliff edge feeling that gets me. It’s instant as well, no time to prepare. Laughing and joking then bang, like some has died. I haven’t had it for a while and just wasn’t dealing with it particularly well last night. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
13 hours ago, Interpolic said:

Well articulated, I've felt a bit like this myself lately. And therefore have fuck-all advice :lol:

Apart from try to get a few post-lockdown things into the calendar if you can, I have a trip up to Newcastle booked for late May which is keeping me going atm but might need to do something else in the meantime just to break the tedium up. 

I find myself endlessly worrying about money which is just stupid really, my outgoings are high atm and I'm saving as much as I can for a house deposit but it's never enough in my own mind and I worry.

I think that's at the heart of me feeling constantly fucking drained but there ain't much I can do about it when I know the logical reality is I've done well to turn my finances around since I stopped drinking, yet there's little I can do to stop the daily worrying over stupid trivial shit. 

Yeah, adulting is a fucking drain when you naturally worry about everything, feel trapped by the rat race and all you want to do is press the self destruct button to get away from it all. 
 

Mind, it’s great to hear where you are now and you’re planning for a future. I honestly shock myself sometimes when I think of the mess I was 15 years ago and how far I’ve come. I have had to make a huge decision in taking VR (leave at the end of this year) and leaving my comfort zone. It’s been unhappy times in my job, but good money and easy work if not dull and frustrating. Now I’ve got to find a job and engage in the rat race shite, skill up and be desirable, when some days just getting out of bed is an achievement 😀 I’m in half a mind to go stack shelves after this and just cover basic bills, but I’d probably just be trading one set of problems for another.

Also making big life changing decisions through a cloud view like depression is very difficult, but I ended up remaining myself this decision was made over the last couple of years, not just when I’m down or had enough of the shite that accompanies it. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

I don’t think I’ve ever suffered with any form of depression, but the last few months has been tough especially in the last lockdown where I withdrew and kind of wanted nothing to do with every day life (not suicidal, just couldn’t be arsed with things) and lately I’ve started feeling very anxious and developing mild panic attacks about all kinds of things, I think it’s a social anxiety thing. Even the thought of being in larger groups, going to the pub, going to say the Town or Metro Centre or taking the boys to school and interacting with other parents or going back to playing footy with my mates brought/brings about a form of angst, please tell me I’m not alone in this... it’s a weird sensation. I guess I’ve become accustomed to being in a small work/family bubble, zero socialising, trying to not mix with other people as much as possible and basically becoming paranoid about the risks of coming into contact with the world in general while it (Covid) is in the air so to speak etc. has put my emotional state into its own kind of lockdown.  It’s been especially tough trying to survive as a business too. I’m in desperate need of a complete break from it all as I’m sure we all are. 

Edited by HTT II
Link to post
Share on other sites

I've spoken to a lot of people feeling the way you are mate. Completely normal in feeling weird...going back to normal? [emoji38]

 

I came off anti-depressants after a 10 year stretch on them. Forgot what having real emotions was like!

Combatting my anxiety and low mood with running. I fucking love it.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Definitely, I'm finding it tough even to get the motivation to see my friends now. Just trying to ease myself back into gradually, I'm sure it'll get better. 

Everyone's under chronic stress and has been for over a year... can't help but be ground down by it.

Link to post
Share on other sites
28 minutes ago, Rocker said:

I've spoken to a lot of people feeling the way you are mate. Completely normal in feeling weird...going back to normal? [emoji38]

 

I came off anti-depressants after a 10 year stretch on them. Forgot what having real emotions was like!

Combatting my anxiety and low mood with running. I fucking love it.

Thank god (being selfish) I’m not alone with such feelings,  it’s really weird and brought home to me how my own mental health state can be adversely affected by what I’d usually regard as nothing or minor things. I guess this whole year and a bit has not only been surreal, but deeply troubling for all of us on so many levels that it’s only now when it’s starting to impact me personally am I aware of just how fragile, well, we all are. It’s hard for me because I like to think of myself as this bull shit macho alpha male. I deal with my own problems internally and nothing will ever get me down, but in reality it’s the opposite and if anything good comes from this it will be that everything I would usually deal with internally I can consider not a weakness of myself but a strength perhaps needing to talk about and share with others. It’s all fucked up and these last few months I’ve never felt so, well, fucked up, myself. I mean I dreaded picking the boys up from school for example fearing having to interact with people I know, like, enjoy and love in terms of some being good friends/family, that anxiousness really got to me just fucking meeting and greeting people in an every day scenario/situation I’ve done thousands of times before. It bothers me that I’m starting to, mildly I may add, develop some kind of anxiety/panic attacks and that I seemingly have zero control over that/this. 

Edited by HTT II
Link to post
Share on other sites
28 minutes ago, AyeDubbleYoo said:

Definitely, I'm finding it tough even to get the motivation to see my friends now. Just trying to ease myself back into gradually, I'm sure it'll get better. 

Everyone's under chronic stress and has been for over a year... can't help but be ground down by it.

The return of grassroots football, I’m looking at finding excuses not to meet up and play because of some weird fucked up and out of nowhere anxiety about something I’ve done millions of times so often. I think the true effect of Covid will be in mental health, for adults and kids. I have it good and feel bad I feel this way, as others have it far worse, but fuck me I’ve never felt so low in my entire life this last lockdown and I beat myself up over it by feeling, well, like a sad fucking big girl’s blowse! 

Edited by HTT II
Link to post
Share on other sites

I actually reached out to shout the other day via text and i'm thinking of doing it again because i never really got anywhere apart from being given links for "support", I've got massive reasons why i  hate interacting with new people and i've quit 3 jobs in the past year due to it.I haven't worked since i walked out of my rebound job in december i haven't even got the bottle to even search for a new job spoke to my doctor about it for years and all i ever get offered are tablets for sleeping or anxiety.Can't get a penny in benefits so the small account i have saved and its small given my age to try and move away i'm burning through while i hope for a better day each and every night 

Link to post
Share on other sites
7 minutes ago, astraguy said:

I actually reached out to shout the other day via text and i'm thinking of doing it again because i never really got anywhere apart from being given links for "support", I've got massive reasons why i  hate interacting with new people and i've quit 3 jobs in the past year due to it.I haven't worked since i walked out of my rebound job in december i haven't even got the bottle to even search for a new job spoke to my doctor about it for years and all i ever get offered are tablets for sleeping or anxiety.Can't get a penny in benefits so the small account i have saved and its small given my age to try and move away i'm burning through while i hope for a better day each and every night 

Fucking hell mate. If there's anything I can do, please let me know.

 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

I never thought I'd find myself saying this but this last year I've been pretty grateful for a lifetime of mental health problems. It's been really tough at times but already having an understanding of MH struggles and the tools to combat them has been vital in doing everything I can to keep myself well. My heart goes out to anyone who's been thrown into depression during the pandemic and doesn't have the help and support in place already. The only advice I can give anyone is to keep plodding on as best you can, through gritted teeth if you have to, and use whatever support is offered.

Getting out for longer and regular walks has been absolutely vital to me, it's really given me a renewed energy for life. Surprisingly I've coped ok with returning to work after furlough (just a few odd days so far), the test will be when I'm back in the full time grind but for now I'm just taking each day as it comes.

Link to post
Share on other sites
56 minutes ago, Jill said:

I never thought I'd find myself saying this but this last year I've been pretty grateful for a lifetime of mental health problems. It's been really tough at times but already having an understanding of MH struggles and the tools to combat them has been vital in doing everything I can to keep myself well. My heart goes out to anyone who's been thrown into depression during the pandemic and doesn't have the help and support in place already. The only advice I can give anyone is to keep plodding on as best you can, through gritted teeth if you have to, and use whatever support is offered.

Getting out for longer and regular walks has been absolutely vital to me, it's really given me a renewed energy for life. Surprisingly I've coped ok with returning to work after furlough (just a few odd days so far), the test will be when I'm back in the full time grind but for now I'm just taking each day as it comes.

Have to say it’s been educational, that’s one of the big positives. I was really naive about how solid my mental state was and what it depended on. I figured I was pretty much fine no matter what I went through, but this was another order of difficult. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
12 minutes ago, ToonArmy1892 said:

I've had social anxiety disorder since i was 11, it's fucking hard work like.

I don’t know how to deal with it personally. To have some form of anxiety just to say take the kids to school or pick them up is fucking mad, the daft thing is for all my panic pre this, once I’m there I’m fine and then leave thinking what the fuck was I so bothered about and then I tend to internally beat myself up about being stupid over nothing and I won’t lie it bugs me because this is all new and I worry what it all means... 

Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Jill said:

I never thought I'd find myself saying this but this last year I've been pretty grateful for a lifetime of mental health problems. It's been really tough at times but already having an understanding of MH struggles and the tools to combat them has been vital in doing everything I can to keep myself well. My heart goes out to anyone who's been thrown into depression during the pandemic and doesn't have the help and support in place already. The only advice I can give anyone is to keep plodding on as best you can, through gritted teeth if you have to, and use whatever support is offered.

Getting out for longer and regular walks has been absolutely vital to me, it's really given me a renewed energy for life. Surprisingly I've coped ok with returning to work after furlough (just a few odd days so far), the test will be when I'm back in the full time grind but for now I'm just taking each day as it comes.

I think for many people with social anxieties the last 12 months has actually been OK. It’s allowed me to spend most of my time at home, a place I feel safe and where I’m in control.
 

Going back to normal feels far more stressful than continuing to live in a locked down world. 
 

My outgoing, social butterfly pals have suffered much more than me. Their worlds have been turned upside down and they’re struggling to cope, by contrast my world feels very comfortable. 

 

Edited by bobbydazzla
Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, HTT II said:

I don’t know how to deal with it personally. To have some form of anxiety just to say take the kids to school or pick them up is fucking mad, the daft thing is for all my panic pre this, once I’m there I’m fine and then leave thinking what the fuck was I so bothered about and then I tend to internally beat myself up about being stupid over nothing and I won’t lie it bugs me because this is all new and I worry what it all means... 

I can relate with everything you said there.

It's very annoying because the sufferer realises that his or hers thoughts are totally irrational, yet being able to control those thoughts and the resulting physical symptoms that occur (sweating, blushing, looking embarrassed and awkward when you really don't mean to be, etc) feels pretty much impossible.

Yea, mine started at school, i couldn't even face going into school for about a full year, and when i managed to get to school i couldn't face being in a class room full of people so i did my work in a secluded corner of the library.

Thank fuck i have really understanding and supportive parents because not everyone does.

Edited by ToonArmy1892
Link to post
Share on other sites

Spoke with shout  again who put me in touch with calm,found that lady a lot more understanding but again referred me to another charity and told i have to speak with citizens advice regarding money worries. can see why people do struggle to speak out 

Edited by astraguy
Link to post
Share on other sites

Well done on taking steps to get help mate. Though the support is slow and inadequate a lot of the time it doesn't diminish the the fact that you and all of us deserve help in tough times. Make sure to let them know in no uncertain terms how you're feeling.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...